Whoosh!

The Swiss Roll
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there - corkscrews, bottle opener. "Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here."


Internet
A study shows that internet use can be addictive. So now there's a 12-step program for Net Junkies. The first step is to acknowledge that there is a higher power, and his name is Bill Gates.


More Internet
Little girl to her friend: I'm never going to have kids, I hear they take nine months to download.


Kids
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Before I had kids, I went home after work to rest. Now I go to work to rest.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.

Toddlers are more likely to eat healthy food if they find it on the floor.