Will You Or Will You Not?

Some church cartoons to stir up some grey matters. Enjoy!

Men's Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules " from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; BTW, did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Suppose you have a friend, relative, or neighbor who has made a lot of foolish mistakes in the past. He or she has paid a heavy price for these mistakes, but for some reason the lesson just hasn’t sunk in yet. Now this person is on the verge of making another big mistake. Should you warn him or her? Ezekiel is in this kind of position. Despite repeated warnings of punishment from several prophets, the Jews refused to listen and kept on sinning. As a result, God let the Babylonians destroy Israel and take the Jews into captivity. Apparently the Israelites didn’t learn their lesson, however, and they continued to sin in Babylon. So God appointed Ezekiel to bring his message to the Jews there. God also told Ezekiel if he didn’t give the Jews his message, he, too, would pay for their sins.
Ezekiel was bitter and angry at God’s people (Ezekiel 3:14-15), and understandably so. Ezekiel had no guarantee that they would listen to him either (3:11). Still Ezekiel delivered the messages God gave him and sacrificed his own comforts to communicate God’s warnings. You may feel like Ezekiel when Christian brothers or sisters scorn God’s Word. But don’t be discouraged. If Christian friends have strayed from God, speak up, even if they aren’t listening, and even if it seems unlikely that they will take your advice.

What's The Point?

Many years ago the phenomenon of a midlife crisis was given its name. Many people approaching the second half of their adult lives want to ensure that all they’ve ever worked for, lived for, and hoped for hasn’t just been one big mistake.The entire book of Ecclesiastes addresses the meaning of life, but this passage in particular punctuates his point. Solomon’s summary makes it difficult to miss.
Solomon concludes the book of Ecclesiastes by giving advice on how to live a full life. Solomon’s final conclusion is that “the duty of every person” is to fear and obey God (Ecclesiastes 12:13). Solomon gave this advice because he knew that one day we will have to stand before God and be judged for how we have lived (12:14). We will not be able to use excuses to justify our failures and sins. So we need to learn how God wants us to live and then to do it. When we do this, we then complete our search for meaning.Don’t let the excitement of being young cause you to forget about your Creator. And don’t spend your life trying to substitute your own rules for the ones God has given you—as if living your own way will somehow be easier, or as if God won’t notice. Keep your values and priorities in line—keep God in first place in your life.

Doctors

Once I was sick, and I had to go to an ear, nose, throat doctor to get well. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists, proctologists - any place you've got a hole, there's a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if ear doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist or proctologist can't help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!


The hospital patient was worried. "Are you sure it's pneumonia, doctor?" he asked. "I've heard of cases where a doctor treated a patient for pneumonia, and he ended up dying of something else."
"Don't worry," said the doctor. "When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia."

Science

Drilling 50 feet deep, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper in core samples taken at several sites in their country. After studying the bits of metal, they announced that 25,000 years ago, ancient Germans had a nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British didn't want to be outdone. British scientists dug even deeper and found small pieces of glass. After some study, they announced that 35,000 years ago, ancient Brits had a nationwide fiber-optic network.
French scientists were outraged. They dug 100, 200, then 300 feet deep, but found nothing except dirt and rock. Finally they announced proudly that 55,000 years ago, the ancient French used mobile phones.

Set Us Free, Lord

Just ended our youth camp last week. Now the cleaning up begins.

Lord, I pray that all these youths who went through the ministry will now begin the work of renewal and cleaning up in their lives. Nothing less will set them free from the bondage of this world. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Let Go, Let God!

Learnt a valuable lesson recently. Don't control what you cannot, but change what you can. Let's learn to lose control and let God. Change will come when it's genuine from the inside out.

Let God Speak And I Will Listen

This children song perhaps sums up my feeling of what's been happening recently. We need to die to ourselves and let God speak into our lives, for He is the One that is directing us in all our ways.

Let God Speak And I Will Listen

Let God speak and I will listen
Let God speak the things
I needed to put right
Let God speak and I will obey what He says
Please God I want to hear Your voice today

Lord I want to hear Your voice
Lord I want to hear Your voice
Lord I want to hear Your voice
Today, today, today, today

Moses And His Stiff-Neck Followers

I read Numbers 12 to 16 recently. God spoke to me about a bunch of people whose attitude sucks. Moses was leading this group of people for they had just come out of Egypt. Imaging being excited because God spoke about the promise land that they were about to enter. If they were not stiff-neck people, then I really don't know how to describe this bunch! Scary that even if God will to perform a major miracle in front of them, they will still be cursing at Him.

Wave after wave of complains spewing out of their mouth, making Moses miserable throughout the journey. Hey, we're not just talking about a small bunch of people, but a host of them! If I'm in Moses' shoe, I would have quitted long ago, asking why God can still tolerate such people and of all places, in the desert. Let them perish and see whether they can live without God leading them. Ha!

Then my eyes laid upon what Moses did....he pleaded on behalf of all these ingrates. What a man! I mean, has he got to do this? These are bunch of rebels, going against what God would have wanted for them. If not for the words from Moses, God would have done more terrible things to these Israelites.

Wait a minute! God spoke. "Wouldn't you be just like them? rebellious and ungrateful?" God's word really pierced my heart. I had just discover some truths about rebellion – it exists in every heart. Rebellion goes a long way back. It is as old as the Garden of Eden. What did God say to Adam and Eve about one tree in the middle of the garden? Well, you can eat any fruits of any trees, but you can’t touch this tree. Yes, they chose to rebel by eating the fruits from the only tree that God told them not to eat. The book of proverbs says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” (22:15). Yes, it’s part of our sinful nature to want to do something foolish (to rebel). You know something, this is not what we have learnt, but it comes from within.

Rebellion has many sources. Most rebellion is based upon half-truths. In verse 3 of Numbers 16, the rebels fought against the idea of equality among the people of the nation of Israel. Korah accused Moses and Aaron for exalting themselves in the midst of the people. Yes, we are all equal, but we can never be the same. God gave us some as leaders, while some will be followers. Are we the same?

Six Sources of Rebellion

First source would be Jealousy.
2nd source – Delusions of Grandeur. Verse 4.
3rd source – Ungratefulness. Verse 9.
4th source – Stubbornness. Verse 12.
5th source – Disappointment. Verse 13.
6th source – Distrust. Verse 14.

And finally, rebellion leads to bad consequences. There are at least four consequences await those who rebel.
1)Withdrawal of leadership.
2)Innocent people are indirectly also affected.
3)The guilty will be condemned. Verses 28 to 35.
4)It is like a infectious disease that will spread rapidly and will infect many people. Hebrews 12:15.

Ultimately, rebellion is against God. Rejecting the authority that God has placed is actually rejecting God. It will bring huge consequences upon our lives.

Lord, remove my stiff-neck and break my spirit.

1) What animals could Noah not trust? The Cheetah

2) What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark? Flood Lights

3) How many animals did Noah bring into the empty ark? One, after which it would not be empty.

4) Why couldn't they play cards on Noah's Ark? Because Noah was sitting on the deck.

5) What day in human life was the longest? Adam's first day. It has no Eve

6) Where is the first example of maths in the Bible? God divided the light from the darkness

7) Where is the second example of maths in the Bible? God told Adam to go forth and multiply

8) What was the difference between the ten thousand soldiers of Israel and the three hundred Gideon chose for battle? 9,700 soldiers

9) Why was Moses buried in the land of Moab? He was dead

10) Who spoke when he was just a baby? Job. He cursed the day he was born

11) Who was the fastest runner in the Bible? Adam. He was first in the human race

12) What two things could Samson never have for breakfast? Lunch & dinner

13) Where was Solomon's temple? On the side of his head

14) Who in the Bible was a very lazy person? The boy who loaf and fishes

15) Where did the Israelites keep their money? The Bank of Jordan

Would I Know You Now?

Here's a song written by Wayne Watson in 1986. It's one of my favourite song from the past. Feels ancient here, but the lyrics are really worth mentioning. I pray that you will not walk by and not feel His presence in your life. Know Him as a personal Friend, Redeemer and Saviour.

Would I know You now, if You walked into the room
If You stilled the crowd, if Your light dispelled the gloom
And if I saw Your wounds, touch your thorn pierced brow
I wonder if I'd know You now
Would I know You know, if You walked into this place
Would I cause You shame, would my games be Your disgrace
Or would I worship You, fall upon my face
I wonder if I'd know You now

Or have the images I've painted
So distorted who You are
That even if the world was looking
They could not see You, the real You
Have I changed the true reflection
To fulfill my own design
Making You what I want
Not showing You forth divine

Would I miss You now, if You left and close the door
Would my flesh cry out, "I don't need You anymore."
Or would I follow You, seek to be restored
I wonder, I wonder will I ever learn
I wonder, would I know You now

Try This If You Can

See if you can answer all these questions.

1) What animals could Noah not trust?

2) What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?

3) How many animals did Noah bring into the empty ark?

4) Why couldn't they play cards on Noah's Ark?

5) What day in human life was the longest?

6) Where is the first example of maths in the Bible?

7) Where is the second example of maths in the Bible?

8) What was the difference between the ten thousand soldiers of Israel and the three hundred Gideon chose for battle?

9) Why was Moses buried in the land of Moab?

10) Who spoke when he was just a baby?

11) Who was the fastest runner in the Bible?

12) What two things could Samson never have for breakfast?

13) Where was Solomon's temple?

14) Who in the Bible was a very lazy person?

15) Where did the Israelites keep their money?


Answers will be out shortly in the next posting.

Desperate To Hear From You

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love
Your $on


The Reply:

Dear Son,
I kNOw that ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad.

Be A Man! Get Down On Your Knees And Pray!

Prayer is an opportunity to bring our will into line with God's plan - Our prayers won’t change God’s mind, but they may change ours. Prayer helps us better understand the mind of God.

Prayer is an opportunity to demonstrate our trust in God - Why did God let Abraham question his justice and intercede for a wicked city? Abraham knew that God must punish sin, but he also knew from experience that God is merciful to sinners. God knew there were not ten righteous people in the city, but he was merciful enough to allow Abraham to intercede. He was also merciful enough to help Lot, Abraham’s nephew, get out of Sodom before it was destroyed. God does not take pleasure in destroying the wicked, but he must punish sin. He is both just and merciful. We should be thankful that God’s mercy extends to us.

Prayer is speaking with God - The godly are those who are faithful and devoted to God. We too can be confident that God listens to our prayers and answers when we call on him. Sometimes we think that God will not hear us because we have fallen short of his high standards for holy living. But if we have trusted Christ for salvation, God has forgiven us, and he will listen to us. When you feel as though your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling, remember that as a believer, you have been set apart by God-and he loves you. He hears and answers, although his answers may not be what you expect. Look at your problems in the light of God’s power instead of looking at God in the shadow of your problems.

Prayer is an awesome privilege - Prayer is our approach to God, and we are to come boldly. Some Christians approach God meekly with heads hung low, afraid to ask him to meet their needs. Others pray flippantly, giving little thought to what they say. Come with reverence because he is your King. But also come with bold assurance because he is your Friend and Counselor.

Prayer reflects our dependence on God - As Isaac pleaded with God for children, so the Bible encourages us to ask-and even plead-for our most personal and important requests. God wants to grant our requests, but he wants us to ask him. Even then, as Isaac learned, God may decide to withhold his answer for a while in order to (1) deepen our insight into what we really need, (2) broaden our appreciation for his answers, or (3) allow us to mature so we can use his gifts more wisely.

Prayer can restore relationship with God - One of the effects of sin in our life is to keep us from feeling like praying. But perfect moral behavior is not a condition for prayer. Don’t let guilt feelings over sin keep you from your only means of restoration. No matter how long you have been away from God, he is ready to hear from you and restore you to a right relationship. Every situation can be salvaged if you are willing to turn again to him. In spite of Samson's past, God still answered his prayer. If God could still work in Samson’s situation, he can certainly make something worthwhile out of yours.

So what are you waiting for? God's communication line is always on for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year and as long as you're still alive and kicking! So, be a Man! Get down on your knees and pray!

GDOP

What is it like to have 30000 believers coming together to pray? Awesome man! With that number of people, we can call out to God to shake His nations.
Seriously, numbers do indicate strength. Imagine GDOP with a few hundred people responding to the call to pray, occupying a small corner of the stadium. Shake the nation? Can't even shake the stadium! The loud speaker can do that job.
When people gather to pray, they don't say, "we need x number of people to come before we can pray." They are going to pray like they never prayed before, they are going to hold on to God until He respond to their requests.
I was there. God is preparing His people to cry out to Him, to plead for His grace and mercy upon His people. He is showing us what it means to stand in the gap, people for people, nations to nations. God is showing us the way to His heart, the Father heart of God, to intercede for His people.
Yes, the 40 days of fasting and prayer is here again. This time, the spiritual warfare will intensified. Will you come alongside with me to pray? You and I with God makes the majority!
GDOP - A Great Day Of Prayer, isn't it?

I'm Watching You!

I was driving near my neighbourhood recently when I chanced upon something up on the overhead pedestrian bridge. Two traffic policemen were filming a sequel to the blockbuster movie, "I Got 'Cha, Babe!" They were very intensed shooting every scene of the impending vehicle that broke the speed limit for that particular road, especially vans, lorries, and slow speed-retarded creepy crawlers doing a F1 impersonation.
You may say, "Hey! There's no such movies?" Well, that's what they are thinking right now. It will be a blockbuster when you want to contest that summons you've received for speeding. Where in the world did they catch me speeding? Look up, guys when you're driving. It happens too often for you to ignore it. Somehow I feel that this is really like a punch below the belt. Ouch! Catching you unaware and having clueless idea of how it happened.
Overhead bridge, pedestrian pavements, I wonder what's the next innovative idea of catching us doing a third sequel to the blockbuster?
Look up, or be sorry!

CCTV

Heard of the latest spoof about the CCTV? Even the Bak Chor Mee man has one. Make sure you order correctly. No chilli means no chilli. And make sure you tell him not to put pig liver when you don't want it, or else you not only have to apologize, but also explain why you never tell him not to put pig liver. Scary to believe that even in small establishment, there's a CCTV watching your every move and decision. I think I'll have bak Chor Mee tonight and see if it's true! As the song from The Police goes, "Every move you make, I'll be watching you."

More Cruel Jokes!

CHURCH
A church service at a little town always include a group reading of the Twenty-Third Psalm. One Palm Sunday a visitor with a shrill, penetrating voice got about ten words ahead of the rest of the congregation at the beginning and resolutely maintained her lead to the very end.
At the end of the service, one longtime member asked another, "Who was that irritating lady who was always by the still waters while the rest of us were lying down in gren pastures?"


The following Sunday, Mr. Walters got up and walked out right in the middle of my sermon. I asked his wife if I had somehow offended him. Her reply: "It was nothing personal, Reverend. He was just sleepwalking."



COMMUNICATION
An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby and pushed a button for elevator service. "The lift will be down presently," said a nearby clerk.
"The lift?" said the American. "Oh, you mean the elevator."
"No, I mean the lift," replied the Englishman, annoyed by the American's arrogance.
"I think I should know what it's called," said the American. "After all, elevators were invented in the United States."
"Perhaps," retorted the Englishman. "But the language was invented here."

Jokes Are Cruel!

PROCRASTINATION
Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.

I have not yet begun to procrastinate!

PSYCHIATRY
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks you for free.

OREO PSYCHO-PERSONALITY TEST
Psychiatrists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Which method best describes your favourite approach?
1. The whole thing in one bite.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite.
4. In little feverish nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee, hot chocolate...)
6. The inside first.
7. The inside only.
8. The outside only.
9. Just lick them, not eat them.
10. Don't have a favourite way, because I don't like Oreos.

Your personality
1. The whole thing in one bite
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

2. One bite at a time
You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's ok, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical
You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with everything you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to the speed limit.

4. Little feverish nibbles
Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Retalin would do you good.

5. Dunked
Everyone likes you because you are always upbeat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call your life. You have propensity towards narcotic addition.

6. The inside first
You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though you're not always able to put them back together, so you destroy the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behaviour.

7. The inside only
You are good at business and take risks that pay of. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself, but that's okay. You don't care, you got yours.

8. The outside only
You enjoy pain.

9. Just like to lick them, not eat them
Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. Don't have a favourite way because I don't like Oreo cookies
You probably come from a richly family and like to wear nice things and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. there's just no pleasing you.