CHURCH
A church service at a little town always include a group reading of the Twenty-Third Psalm. One Palm Sunday a visitor with a shrill, penetrating voice got about ten words ahead of the rest of the congregation at the beginning and resolutely maintained her lead to the very end.
At the end of the service, one longtime member asked another, "Who was that irritating lady who was always by the still waters while the rest of us were lying down in gren pastures?"
The following Sunday, Mr. Walters got up and walked out right in the middle of my sermon. I asked his wife if I had somehow offended him. Her reply: "It was nothing personal, Reverend. He was just sleepwalking."
COMMUNICATION
An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby and pushed a button for elevator service. "The lift will be down presently," said a nearby clerk.
"The lift?" said the American. "Oh, you mean the elevator."
"No, I mean the lift," replied the Englishman, annoyed by the American's arrogance.
"I think I should know what it's called," said the American. "After all, elevators were invented in the United States."
"Perhaps," retorted the Englishman. "But the language was invented here."
21.4.06
Jokes Are Cruel!
PROCRASTINATION
Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate!
PSYCHIATRY
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks you for free.
OREO PSYCHO-PERSONALITY TEST
Psychiatrists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Which method best describes your favourite approach?
1. The whole thing in one bite.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite.
4. In little feverish nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee, hot chocolate...)
6. The inside first.
7. The inside only.
8. The outside only.
9. Just lick them, not eat them.
10. Don't have a favourite way, because I don't like Oreos.
Your personality
1. The whole thing in one bite
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.
2. One bite at a time
You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's ok, not to worry, you're normal.
3. Slow and Methodical
You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with everything you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to the speed limit.
4. Little feverish nibbles
Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Retalin would do you good.
5. Dunked
Everyone likes you because you are always upbeat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call your life. You have propensity towards narcotic addition.
6. The inside first
You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though you're not always able to put them back together, so you destroy the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behaviour.
7. The inside only
You are good at business and take risks that pay of. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself, but that's okay. You don't care, you got yours.
8. The outside only
You enjoy pain.
9. Just like to lick them, not eat them
Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.
10. Don't have a favourite way because I don't like Oreo cookies
You probably come from a richly family and like to wear nice things and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. there's just no pleasing you.
Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate!
PSYCHIATRY
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks you for free.
OREO PSYCHO-PERSONALITY TEST
Psychiatrists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Which method best describes your favourite approach?
1. The whole thing in one bite.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite.
4. In little feverish nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee, hot chocolate...)
6. The inside first.
7. The inside only.
8. The outside only.
9. Just lick them, not eat them.
10. Don't have a favourite way, because I don't like Oreos.
Your personality
1. The whole thing in one bite
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.
2. One bite at a time
You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's ok, not to worry, you're normal.
3. Slow and Methodical
You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with everything you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to the speed limit.
4. Little feverish nibbles
Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Retalin would do you good.
5. Dunked
Everyone likes you because you are always upbeat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call your life. You have propensity towards narcotic addition.
6. The inside first
You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though you're not always able to put them back together, so you destroy the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behaviour.
7. The inside only
You are good at business and take risks that pay of. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself, but that's okay. You don't care, you got yours.
8. The outside only
You enjoy pain.
9. Just like to lick them, not eat them
Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.
10. Don't have a favourite way because I don't like Oreo cookies
You probably come from a richly family and like to wear nice things and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. there's just no pleasing you.
20.4.06
God Loves Doubters Too!
I don't think God is intimidated by our questions. I don't even think He has much trouble with our doubts. He said in Isaiah, "Come, Let us reason together." Wow, can you imagine trying to reason with God? Have you ever talked with someone who is infinitely smarter and wiser than you are, yet they consider your puny ideas and words important? Think of it: Almighty God invites us to reason with Him, and He is willing to condescend to entertain our ideas and comments and to discuss our questions and doubts.
I'm fascinated when I meet someone who is so sure of everything and thinks they have all the big issues in life figured out. They are either a supersaint, or they are superstupid. On a good day, I'm right there with them, believing in the face of my doubts. But, some days are tough, and you have to walk by faith rather than feelings. I prefer seeing to believing. But seeing wasn't God's choice for us. He chose faith; He knew that would be a lot more interesting.
Jesus didn't reject Thomas because He was a doubter. Ten disciples told Thomas they'd seen the Master. This was AFTER Christ had been executed, buried, and dead for three days.
Thomas told them, "Unless I see the nail holes in His hands ....and stick my hand in His side, I won't believe it" (John 20:25). Now, this boy was having some serious doubts.
And you know what? If I'd been there, I probably would have said the same thing. I have tried to imagine, if Jesus had been crucified in my lifetime, would I need to see Him to believe He'd risen?
I believe Christ is alive because I actually seen Him working in my heart and life. Thomas didn't believe until he had his own encounter with Christ. But neither did the other disciples. Everybody needs to have his or her own encounter with Jesus. We have to meet Him for ourselves. We can't believe in something with such eternal consequences or just hearsay.
How about you? Do you have a personal encounter with Jesus?
I'm fascinated when I meet someone who is so sure of everything and thinks they have all the big issues in life figured out. They are either a supersaint, or they are superstupid. On a good day, I'm right there with them, believing in the face of my doubts. But, some days are tough, and you have to walk by faith rather than feelings. I prefer seeing to believing. But seeing wasn't God's choice for us. He chose faith; He knew that would be a lot more interesting.
Jesus didn't reject Thomas because He was a doubter. Ten disciples told Thomas they'd seen the Master. This was AFTER Christ had been executed, buried, and dead for three days.
Thomas told them, "Unless I see the nail holes in His hands ....and stick my hand in His side, I won't believe it" (John 20:25). Now, this boy was having some serious doubts.
And you know what? If I'd been there, I probably would have said the same thing. I have tried to imagine, if Jesus had been crucified in my lifetime, would I need to see Him to believe He'd risen?
I believe Christ is alive because I actually seen Him working in my heart and life. Thomas didn't believe until he had his own encounter with Christ. But neither did the other disciples. Everybody needs to have his or her own encounter with Jesus. We have to meet Him for ourselves. We can't believe in something with such eternal consequences or just hearsay.
How about you? Do you have a personal encounter with Jesus?
17.4.06
You Are What You Speak!
I've seen some of those youth's blog site. It really is no surprise when they can blurt out those four letter words with great ease. Every sentence is peppered with words to maim and shock the reader. It's like stepping onto mine field.
What's this? blogging to outdo somebody else with colourful words, to stumble and kill? It really is scary to learn that young people are putting something on the internet to boost their ego and make them stand out from the rest. Competition to see who can spew out more dangerous looking words? Whatever happened to the discipline of mind and thoughts? It's even worst to hear them say that it is part of their youth culture to think and behave like this. I guess they haven't heard of soap in the mouth treatment before.
What can we do about it? Well, for one, I will not patronise their blogs. The thoughts that are translated to actions can be very real for such young minds. The Bible says in Proverbs 15:4, "A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." Yes, you are what you speak. What spews from your mouth is a combination of thoughts and actions in your life. You need Jesus to do a thorough clean-up. Young people, do it now before it crushes your spirit. Let no unwholesome thoughts and words be even associated with your fragile mind. Get it out before it's too late.
So, clean up your thoughts and be filled with what 2 Timothy 2:22 says, to call out to young people to "flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
What's this? blogging to outdo somebody else with colourful words, to stumble and kill? It really is scary to learn that young people are putting something on the internet to boost their ego and make them stand out from the rest. Competition to see who can spew out more dangerous looking words? Whatever happened to the discipline of mind and thoughts? It's even worst to hear them say that it is part of their youth culture to think and behave like this. I guess they haven't heard of soap in the mouth treatment before.
What can we do about it? Well, for one, I will not patronise their blogs. The thoughts that are translated to actions can be very real for such young minds. The Bible says in Proverbs 15:4, "A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." Yes, you are what you speak. What spews from your mouth is a combination of thoughts and actions in your life. You need Jesus to do a thorough clean-up. Young people, do it now before it crushes your spirit. Let no unwholesome thoughts and words be even associated with your fragile mind. Get it out before it's too late.
So, clean up your thoughts and be filled with what 2 Timothy 2:22 says, to call out to young people to "flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
7.4.06
Now That I'm in it, might as well!
Let me give you a very brief capsule course in human relations:
- 5 most important words: "I am proud of you."
- 4 most important words: "What is your opinion?"
- 3 most important words: "If you please."
- 2 most important words: "Thank you."
- Least important word: "I."
Yes, "I" is the least important word that you can ever have.
Are We Rush-ians?
Recently, I haven't got time to blog. It is one of those things I really couldn't spare time to do it. Life has been hectic and fast pace. When someone tells you to stop by the roadside to smell the roses..........ahhhhhh choooooo! Well, I'll move on. There's more things to worry about than being allergic to roses.
When people stop to appreciate things in life, there will always be a chasm in their pursuit of things that really matters. Sometimes, it makes me wonder why I'm going through this cycle, not putting things in priority. Well, I guess it must be the ability of managing my time for every conceivable things that you want to accomplish.
Yes, I think I must go now. Taking too much time to blog already. Ciao!
When people stop to appreciate things in life, there will always be a chasm in their pursuit of things that really matters. Sometimes, it makes me wonder why I'm going through this cycle, not putting things in priority. Well, I guess it must be the ability of managing my time for every conceivable things that you want to accomplish.
Yes, I think I must go now. Taking too much time to blog already. Ciao!
5.4.06
Famous Last Words
1)"Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist....."
2)"Don't unplug it, it will only take a moment to fix it."
3)"Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there."
4)"What happens if you touch these two wires togeth........."
5)"Give me a match, I think my gas tank is empty."
6)"Wife, these biscuits are tough."
7)Step on her, boy, we're only going seventy-five."
8)"Just watch me dive from that bridge."
9)"If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic police."
10)"What? Your mother is going to stay for another month?"
11)"Luke, I lied. Bill Shatner is your real father." - Darth Vader
12)"And now I'm running my life support equipment through Windows 95, I'll never have to worry about........" beeeeeeep.......
2)"Don't unplug it, it will only take a moment to fix it."
3)"Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there."
4)"What happens if you touch these two wires togeth........."
5)"Give me a match, I think my gas tank is empty."
6)"Wife, these biscuits are tough."
7)Step on her, boy, we're only going seventy-five."
8)"Just watch me dive from that bridge."
9)"If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic police."
10)"What? Your mother is going to stay for another month?"
11)"Luke, I lied. Bill Shatner is your real father." - Darth Vader
12)"And now I'm running my life support equipment through Windows 95, I'll never have to worry about........" beeeeeeep.......
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